MY DOG

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.

"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."

"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."

The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.

"What was that for?" he complained.

"Your dog called last night."

MILLION DOLLAR PICTURE

George who was a very rich man had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.

"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

CHEN LEE

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir,

You leave house.
I watch house.
He come to house. I watch.
He and she leave house. I follow.
He and she go in hotel. I climb tree.
I look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall off tree.
I not see.

No fee, Chen Lee.

GOLF BALLS

A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.

The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.

The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.

The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.

YOU'RE NEXT

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."

Confession

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her
 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom
 cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in
 there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
 The man says, "Yes, it is."
 Boy - "I have a football."
 Man - "That's nice."
 Boy - "Want to buy it?"
 Man - "No, thanks."
 Boy - "My dad's outside."
 Man - "OK, how much?"
 Boy - "£250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
 the cupboard together.
 Boy - "Dark in here."
 Man - "Yes, it is."
 Boy - "I have football boots."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
 Boy - "£750"
 Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and
 football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer. The boy says, "I
 can't, I sold my ball and boots." The father asks, "How much did you sell
 them for?"
 Boy -"£1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That
 is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and
 make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
 confession booth and he closes the door.
 The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again. You're in my cupboard now"